33rd post

It's funny... I spent the whole 6 months leading up to my projected enlistment bemoaning the fact that I would be going into the army and criticizing that entire military paradigm. Then I finally get fit enough to pass NAPFA, am assigned PES B, and actually develop a kind of positive attitude about the whole thing. I honestly do want to go into NS and slog through it and suffer with everyone else.

I'm not a masochist, really. Consider it a product of months of psychological angst. This is my resolution.

But now I've found out I may be PES C. How can I possibly spend 2 years just sitting at a desk doing clerical work? Not only that, but if I'm in PES C I may not even be enlisting in October.

A few days ago I was extremely frustrated at x-institution. Come on, you make an appointment and threaten legal action if I don't make it, then when I get there you make me wait over an hour to see a specialist not even qualified enough to properly evaluate my situation? You made an appointment. This connotes preparedness. Not bumbling inefficiency and inexcusable laziness.

Anyway I've calmed down a bit now. It's the 95% of life I don't have control over at the moment, and I'm not going to be fussed about it. At the very least, I hadn't realized the songs I'd picked for today's youth service were particularly relevant, "Trading my Sorrows" especially. I suppose I need to take a plank out of my eye and start seeing things a bit more clearly. If I can serve God better in another context, then I guess that's where I'll be. His purposes, not mine.

And I need to recognize the blessings He's already given me. Cambridge has proven to be surprisingly receptive. It's a matter of realizing that He has a plan for me, even though I can't see the big picture. I resolve to be a dog, not a cat (nonetheless, I do still prefer cats).

I am fighting a cold now (meaning my training regime is shot). On the bright side, in a few days I will be immune to yet another strain of that diabolical cold virus; i.e. in the event of a secondary infection, memory B- and T-cells will react quickly enough to destroy the pathogen before I begin to show any symptoms. Brilliant.

Four years ago something happened that changed the world.